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If Advertisements Were High School Students

Originally posted on

Lunch time in a high school cafeteria is filled with sloppy joes, cranky lunch ladies, and every teenage stereotype in the book. If you think about it, high school students are all trying to accomplish the same goal—that is, make friends, have fun, and pray they graduate on time. Interestingly, I’ve realized that high school is no different than the advertising world, where advertisers are similarly hoping to drive traffic, get a laugh, and successfully get their point across.

Much like high schoolers, each of form of advertising media shares the same desire to break away from the pack, offering a uniqueness characterized by a distinct set of qualities. Read on to see the Advertising Class of 2016. Banner Ads - The Valedictorian Banner Ads are the brainiacs of the bunch. They don’t spend their time wasting energy over-stimulating everyone with tons of information. They work hard, secure a stable environment and stay in their lane. As a highschooler, a Banner Ad would be most likely spend their Friday nights with some homework, turn their paper in two days early and graduate at the top of their class. With companies taking opportunities to optimize banner ads, his efforts are clearly not for naught. Don’t be surprised if this graduate makes their first million by the age of 25. Television Commercials - The Jock When I think of commercials in the advertising world the words that come to mind are loud, full of energy and not riddled with over the top intellect—much like the stereotypical Jock. They are committed to a vigorous schedule of practices between every scene of your favorite TV show. While they can sometimes be entertaining to watch, television commercials are usually just an over the top attempt stand out in a sea of similar pitches. Radio Ads - The Hipster When you think of the coolest way to reach people, radio ads shouldn’t be the first thing that comes to mind. They’re not the new hot craze in advertising but they’re sort of timeless- that’s what makes them the Hipsters of the class. These ads aren’t trying to fit in. The old school familiarity allows us to relax and absorb information without even realizing it.

Popups - The Cheerleader Popups are in your face. You don’t even see them coming until they’re right in front of you and they are not apologetic about using whatever it takes to get your attention. They might be a little overbearing, but they know that and they’re cool with it! Popups function as a modern grapevine, proving that it’s the quickest way to share and spread information. Popups are the busy bee of the bunch, shamelessly grabbing your attention whenever possible. Billboards - The Flirt Billboards are anything but subtle. They have to be eye catching enough that cars whizzing by will still catch a glimpse of them. With only an instant, they need to peak our interest and make us feel instantly connected. Think of billboards as the Flirt, they keep their physical distance but they absolutely want to be noticed by you.

Text Message Ads - The Teacher’s Pet

Text message ads are obnoxious. Like Teacher’s Pets, they are constantly bombarding you and regurgitating information that you already know. They don’t know when to quit and try to suck up to you to get what they want. While Teacher’s Pets are notorious for placing an apple on their teacher’s desk hoping to gain brownie points, text messages similarly try to bribe your attention by offering coupons and great deals. You might bump into this guy at Whole Foods asking someone how much calcium is in a piece of kale. Which high school student were you? I’d guess you were the gorgeous, genius everyone loved.


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